Last night all my insecurities visited me in a dream
They came in a mini Kellogg’s variety pack, a pack of 8, with each insecurity on top…
I ate them all…
With each gluttonous mouthful, my swollen cheeks squeezed anxiety into my body.
I woke up to find my seat at the table swept from underneath me and the many talents of me discussed on the menu.
Rolling pregnant with negative thoughts,I gave up on myself today, I bolstered down roads angry unable to decipher why the tool that scratches my thigh would pacify my rage…
The hardest part of my childhood is feeling on the outskirts of my family dynamic, both unwanted and chosen, both saved and forsaken by this motherland.
Who knows… But I’m lonely… I drank that loneliness till it dried my mouth cracked and ached my kidneys bruised. So I purged.
That hurt me. Disconnecting from the identity that was forced upon me to ask, ‘Who does God say who I am’. Reaching down my throat to reveal a tongue that has been pruned to a stub, silencing my ancestral cry of victory.
Raw and Exhausted From my purging my insecurities, I notice the empty hollow left behind…
Tomorrow I’ll fill it up with God, that’s what I’ll do, Fill it with God, Ancestry, Knowledge, Art, Music & Love… A Fruit Salad.
And tomorrow I’ll feel… something, something else.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Let my set backs not keep me setback but prepare me for my come back.
Written by Daniel Bailey
Instagram: @JUSTBAILEY
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