So usually I don’t really post things like this. I never really know what to say. I panic that I haven’t found the right words to say exactly what I want to try and articulate. That people, because of this, may misinterpret my meaning.
But it’s #mentalhealthawarenessweek and this is a poem I wrote at a time when I was feeling dark. At a time when I was feeling low. I’ll be honest I have this feeling a lot. People label it a whole bunch of things, but I prefer to use the description of the feeling rather than labels because I don’t believe one word does it justice ..
Anyway, I suppose with time I have found ways to deal with this, or maybe ‘cope’ is a better word? Or perhaps – ‘use these feelings to instigate change’ .. etc .. try and make what feels so unmoving and unchanging into something progressive (for me..)
but it’s still an ongoing process, and it’s still always hard. Sometimes it’s in doing things in extremes that I find my way out, sometimes it’s through talking, sometimes I have to fight it down and lie to my head so my heart can ease up …sometimes I just have to wait till the wave has passed and there is nothing I can really do.
I guess I posted this because when I am out of the dark -I look back and I know I am not alone even though at the time it felt like it was the truth.
I’m lucky, I have a family who loves me, a boyfriend who seems to know me better than I know myself, who sees all the flaws and still hangs about regardless .. my anchor when the sea gets too rough.. and I am forever grateful for their generosity in spirit and time.
I know for some this isn’t the case, but nonetheless no one should feel like they are truly alone.
There are a whole bunch of people, places, institutes and charities out there for us, for all of us who stumble into the void at times..
They will listen, they will care, and they will wait with you.
And if that isn’t an option, then know that from afar somewhere in spirit- I will hold your hand and wait till your wave has passed. Because it will.
I believe that.
x
Words and Poetry by Ellora Torchia aka FATA
Insta: @el.torchia
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